Denver



Right before leaving Denver I met and briefly dated a lovely man named Rob. He opened my heart at a time when I was closing it down for extended renovations. After meeting Doug (seriously, I will get to the Doug post), I had to bring our romance to an end, but I have to thank him for keeping the light in my heart from going out.

I have missed Denver terribly. Or rather, I have missed my circle of friends and my lover of five years. More difficult than adjusting to a ginormous west coast metropolis has been leaving behind an amazing group of actors, directors, writers and friends. This struggle has been made worse by my own insecurities about writing home.

Things have not played out as I had hoped when I first came to LA. I was not terribly accomplished in Denver, but I worked fairly consistently and had work to discuss, dissect, celebrate or regret with my loved ones.

In LA I've struggled. I'm new here, with little to introduce me and my age and lack of contacts remain barriers to success. My interests in acting and writing have more often than not taken a back set to my struggle to survive. Many interesting things have happened, but they're difficult to easily sum up and require exposure to many quotidian nuances in order to be fully understood. I've put a bit of pressure on myself to succeed by moving to Los Angeles. As I work through the problems that this move has brought to the surface, its an effort to not feel ashamed by my lack of success.

Even though I understand that my life long pursuit of validation is self-imposed, I have to remind myself that I've met some amazing people who's connection to me has nothing to do with whether or not I reach my lame but persistant goal of acting and writing for television.

Many a night I have nursed my feelings of doubt about this move on one imaginary tit while nursing my longing for the amazing people I met during my 15 years in Denver on the other.

I have missed the people, the conversations, the sympathy, the insight, the smarts, the humor, the affection and the company of the people of Denver.

Though I have discovered many unique things about the current city in which I reside, I've found nothing to compare to the grand folks of Denver.

Here's to them.

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